Now men say, "I am in no ways prepared for this work, and therefore it cannot be wrought in me," and thus they have an excuse, so that they neither are ready nor in the way to be so. And truly there is no one to blame for this but themselves. For if a man were looking and striving after nothing but to find a preparation in all things, and diligently gave his whole mind to see how he might become prepared; verily God would well prepare him, for God giveth as much care and earnestness and love to the preparing of a man, as to the pouring in of His Spirit when the man is prepared. (John Donne)

Amanda told me to look back on my diaries and to see how cyclical our thoughts are, one year after another we go through similar feelings and thoughts, working through them again and again. Without my diary on hand I wonder if this is true for this thought - I recall being in Sycamore and the words "not yet" were all I could hear. Pouring out my dreams on paper, to God, to myself and at times to my friends - "Not yet" was all that echoed. "Not yet" is not "never, no, not gonna happen" though the temptation is to take it at that; but I like what Donne says, Prepare yourself, get ready and then... it comes.

As for today, I've got to keep moving:

- Making an apron for the newlywed

- Contacting Fifi to make goodies for the celebration thesis meal

- Salvation army drive

- Returning books and movies to the library

- Reading part of The River: A Journey to the source of HIV and AIDS

- Making it over to the courtyard across the street for some quiet