Thanks to your “success”,
you now have something to lose.
Because of this –
as if suddenly aware of the risks—
you ask whether you, or anyone can
“succeed.” If you go on in this way,
thoughtlessly mirroring yourself
in an obituary, you will soon be writing your epitaph—
in two senses.
Do what you can—
and the task will rest lightly in your hand,
so lightly that you will be able to look forward
to the more difficult tests, which may be awaiting you.
When the morning’s freshness has been replaced
by the weariness of midday,
when the leg muscles quiver under the strain,
the climb seems endless, and
suddenly, nothing will go quite as you wish –
it is then that you must not hesitate.

Dag Hammarskjold

Rummaging through Amy's quotes this stood - as if burning in red ink - too close to the honest anxious thoughts in my body, mind and soul for comfort. I wonder how people handle success? Even when success in this case brings on more responsibilities and those leave me petrified... to make a mistake seems inevitable and the possible costs are what freak me out. Losing my job? My license? Reputation? Self-esteem? How would it (the impending doom...) wreak havoc on my future? Those dreams that pop out of my mind and mouth like popcorn...hopefully more sustaining than that...

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die. (G.K. Chesterton)

I'm grappling to find hope and faith in the midst of the strong and stroppy voices highlighting each and every mistake - some more dramatic than others - and reminding me why this 'call' really isn't, why I'm unfit. To hell with the voices. To hell with fear. Keep going, isn't that it? Wake up, get dressed, look professional even if in heart you feel everything but, and plod on. Work like a beast, remember at best.